How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Start Trusting Your Own Path

Have you ever looked at someone else’s life and thought, “Why does everyone else seem to be doing so much better than me?”

Maybe it’s someone you follow on social media who seems to have the perfect life. Maybe it’s someone you know who appears to be further ahead in their career, has more money, looks more confident, or seems to have everything figured out.

And suddenly, you find yourself questioning your own life.

I know I’ve done it.

Especially when I’m already feeling uncertain or lacking in some way, comparison can become particularly powerful.

The thing is, comparison is a very human thing to do. Our brains naturally pay attention to other people and use them as reference points for how we are doing. Research into social comparison suggests that comparing ourselves with others can trigger both negative and positive emotional responses, particularly when we perceive ourselves as doing better or worse than the person we're comparing ourselves with.

So if you find yourself caught in the comparison trap, perhaps the first thing to do is give yourself some grace.

It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

But that doesn't mean we have to stay stuck there either.

The problem with comparing our reality to someone else's

Having access to social media means that we get to see what everyone else is doing 24 hours a day.

It's so easy to fall into that comparison trap, especially on those “low days”.

Seeing everyone else happier, achieving more, having the best life, earning more money... it can very quickly leave us feeling like we're somehow falling behind.

I speak to women all the time who say:

“Everyone else seems to be doing so much better than me.”

But here's the problem.

When we compare our own reality with someone's life on social media, we're only seeing a tiny part of their story.

We don't know what is going on behind the scenes for that person.

We don't see their struggles, insecurities, difficult days, worries, financial situation or personal circumstances.

We don't see the arguments, the disappointments, the things that haven't worked out or the days when they don't feel confident either.

Instead, we see a carefully selected collection of photos and videos and our brains can very easily piece them together into this vision of a “perfect life”.

None of this is by way of judging.

I have found myself comparing many areas of my own life with those around me, too.

Things like:

• My appearance, especially as I've got older

• Changes in my body

• Career and finances

• Relationships and family

• That feeling that I “should” have achieved more by now

Perhaps you've noticed this too?

What if comparison is actually telling you something useful?

This is something I've been thinking about a lot.

Sometimes envy or comparison isn't actually saying:

“I want her life.”

It might actually be saying:

“There's something I want more of in my own life.”

And that is a very different thing.

Instead of beating yourself up for feeling envious or comparing yourself to someone else, what if you became curious about it?

What is it that you're actually drawn to?

Is it the freedom she seems to have?

The confidence?

The financial security?

The creativity?

The opportunity to travel?

The time she seems to have for herself?

Perhaps the comparison is giving you some useful information about what you want more of in your own life.

I now try to use it in that way rather than as something to beat myself up about.

You are not behind

We need to remember that there is no universal timeline for confidence, success, relationships, reinvention or happiness.

Who says you have to have all of these things by a certain time?

There is no deadline for becoming confident.

There is no age by which you have to have your career figured out.

There is no particular point in your life when you are supposed to have everything sorted.

And just because someone else has achieved something before you, it doesn't mean you are behind.

Their timeline is theirs.

Yours is yours.

When you really begin to understand that, something shifts.

You stop looking sideways quite so much.

And you start coming back to yourself.

Come back to your own definition of enough

I've literally looked at other people and felt lacking in my own life.

But then, when I've thought deeply about it, I've realised that I didn't actually want to live my life like they did.

The things they were striving for weren't that important to me.

So why would I be bothered or feel bad about myself for not achieving the same things?

This is why I regularly go back to a simple exercise called The Perfect Day.

I think about, in detail, what a good life actually looks like for me.

Where am I living?

What does my work look like?

What does my home life look like?

How do I spend my time?

What matters to me?

What do I want more of?

And again, by doing this, I have come to realise that some of the things I have previously compared myself to aren't really what I want from life anyway.

It's very difficult to trust your own path if you're constantly using somebody else's path as the measure of whether you're doing well.

Practise looking inwards instead of sideways

When I notice myself comparing, I try to bring my attention back to me.

Instead of paying attention to what others are doing or having, I ask myself:

What do I need?

What am I proud of?

What has changed?

What do I want next?

What would I choose if I wasn't comparing myself to anyone else?

These questions bring me back to my own life.

Back to what matters to me.

Back to my own definition of enough.

Trust your own path

As a businesswoman and entrepreneur, it's so easy to look around at other people and compare my business with theirs.

I'm constantly working on my mindset around business because, especially on social media, it can be very noisy, with so many people sharing their successes.

It's easy to see someone else's big achievement and immediately wonder:

Should I be doing that?

Why aren't I there yet?

Am I doing enough?

But what I'm getting better at is understanding that I don't need certainty about the whole journey.

I just need to pay attention to what my next step is.

I no longer want to abandon myself to someone else's idea of how I should build a business — or a life.

My path looks different to some people.

And that's okay.

It's my path.

This has come up for me just recently and, in line with the things I've just shared, I have created my own Business Blueprint.

I've considered carefully what I want from my business and, importantly, how I want to do it.

What does success look like for me?

How do I want my business to feel?

What kind of relationships do I want to build?

What matters to me?

And what am I not prepared to sacrifice along the way?

I have total confidence and trust that, by following my own path and staying true and aligned with my values, I will achieve everything I want.

And when those seeds of doubt or comparison show up, I can go back to my Blueprint and remind myself that I am on my own path.

This would work for your personal life too.

You can create the life you want to live, rather than trying to recreate someone else's idea of an ideal life.

What if you stopped looking sideways?

I don't think we're ever going to completely stop comparing ourselves with other people.

We're human.

There are always going to be moments when we look at someone else and think, “I wish I had that.”

The key is what we do when that happens.

Do we use it as evidence that we're not good enough?

Do we decide we're behind?

Do we start changing ourselves to try to catch up?

Or can we pause and become curious?

Can we ask ourselves:

“What is this comparison showing me about what I want for myself?”

That small shift can change the conversation we have with ourselves.

So, I'd like to leave you with a gentle invitation this week.

Notice one place where comparison shows up for you.

Maybe it's social media.

Maybe it's your appearance.

Maybe it's your career.

Maybe it's your finances.

Maybe it's motherhood, relationships or where you thought you'd be by this stage of your life.

Instead of asking:

“Why am I not like her?”

Try asking:

“What is this showing me about what I want for myself?”

You might be surprised by what comes up.

And perhaps, instead of needing to become more like someone else, you'll discover that what you really need is to come back to yourself.

I'd love to hear what comes up for you.

If you'd like to share it with me, feel free to reach out on any of my social media channels.

Thank you so much for reading.

With love,

Anne-Marie 💜

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